On the 26th of January 2012, my Dad and I set off from Pittsburgh to Seattle. That’s the day I mark as the beginning of my time in Seattle.

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It would be tempting to call it the end of something as well, but endings are are a lot harder to pinpoint. Looking back over the last two years, I feel it’s important to share some of what I have learned moving through this time in my life.

While I chafe at the identity of being divorced, it is part of who I am and I believe sharing my experience may be helpful, somehow.

  1. Be Alone

I spent a few Fridays sitting at Über drinking three or four big beers and stumbling home on the bus. I didn’t drink and drive, I didn’t abuse alcohol, but I probably drank too much. It was time to be “out” but not interact, it worked.

  1. Get Help

I was angry and I took it out on the wrong people. It took until May, but I finally went and saw a therapist. It’s too much to deal with on your own, you need help.

  1. Make a (Best) Friend

You need someone who only knows you in this reality. Your old friends are invaluable and your best friend may never be replaced, but for me I formed a new friendship that I treasure.

  1. Overcommit

I had something going on every day of the week for a while. It was too much, but finding that space was a great step. You feel like your life will never be full again and realizing that it is spilling over the edges is helpful.

  1. Prioritize

Once you’ve decided that you are overcommitted you are going to have to choose some things over other things, and that often means some people over other people. This to me is the important lesson to learn. How do you understand your relationships in a way where you can be present in all of them. It’s possible if your honest about your limits.

When is it “over”? Never. True grief doesn’t diminish in intensity, just frequency. But there are moments. I was folding laundry and this song came on.

As I danced in a laundromat, in the full gray sunshine of a Northwest morning, I realized that I was truly happy with my lot and was finding my place, a new place.